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hvparent.com n Hudson Valley Parent 29 Unfortunately, it's not always so easy depending on your soon-to-be ex-partner, but Spilbor says to keep the kids out of your messes. "Don't make the divorce about the kids at all," she says. "For example, when there's an opportunity to have your children spend more time or do something special, like a wedding or a holiday thing with the other parent that's not on the visitation calendar, let them. You are allowing your kids to be happy and well-adjusted." Divorce is a constant effort After divorcing 11 years ago, Julie Ciardi says she looked at people with amazement when they said to her "You're lucky that your divorce went so easily." "It wasn't luck," says the Poughkeepsie mom of three, 15-year-old Caroline and 13-year-old Jack from her first marriage and 4-year-old Cason from her current marriage. "Even though we weren't right for each other anymore and wanted different things in our lives, we made a 100 percent commitment to co-parent. We worked hard at it." To help other parents get through divorce, Ciardi started the Divorced Mommy podcast. She says that working on divorce is a constant effort. "We're either going to tick each other off or we can choose to hold grudges," she says. "Just remember that you can't control another person, but you can be an incredible role model. Keep your side of the street clean and neat." Ciardi and her ex-husband even took their children to Disney World together because they didn't want to miss seeing the children's experiences. "In terms of the kids' happiness, our philosophy was just because it's not working out between us doesn't mean they can't have an amazing childhood." Lisa Iannucci is a freelance writer based in Poughkeepsie. • Fun, friendly atmosphere • Sedation services available • Treating kids of all needs • Most insurance accepted 3206 Rt. 9W New Windsor, NY 12553 (845) 561-5227 ORANGEPEDIATRICCARE.COM ORANGE PEDIATRIC CARE, P.C. Looking for Quality, Compassionate, Personalized Pediatric Care? Maria Bernardez, MD - Board Certifi cate, FAAP Pediatrician Remember to get your FLU shots early this year!