Hudson Valley Parent

20 Hudson Valley Parent n October 2015 Meanwhile Minerley's mother says that watching after her grand- son during the day while her daugh- ter is at work is its own reward: "He makes me feel like I'm 30 again." This benefit is one of the most positive aspects about the sandwich generation, according to Chung. She said that children who grow up with a close relationship with their grandparents get a sense of personal history and context from hearing family stories told firsthand. "It's great for children to have other trusted adults to serve as a sounding board," she said. "You may find that your children share things with others — challenges with friendships, school, or siblings — that they just wouldn't share with you." Seeking help Even with these benefits, it is important to know when to reach out or to say enough is enough. "You have to be willing to accept when it's time to move on to a higher level of care than you may be able to offer at home," said Dichiara. Vicinanza echoes this sentiment, and points out that there are resources that can help. "Make sure you check your local resources (like the local Alzheimer's association)," she said. "They can help with visiting nurse services and put you in touch with local support groups." Vicinanza also says one of the biggest lessons she's taken away from this experience is to prepare for your future. "My father-in-law had an up-to- date will, appointed my husband power of attorney and medical proxy long before he was sick," she said. "He also paid into long term care insurance, which has been a godsend." Dawn Green is a freelance writer who lives with her family in Saugerties. of us, and I wasn't even the primary caregiver," she recalled. Family struggles Having to take care of both your children and your parents or in- laws brings its own set of struggles. Minerley said living in such close proximity with her daughters makes it sometimes difficult to avoid arguments. Vicinanza said being a caregiver to an elderly relative has taken a toll on her husband, because the dementia has changed her father-in law's personality so drastically. "My husband has taken this so hard," she said. "He misses his father dearly." Jennifer Chung, parenting expert, CEO, and cofounder of Kinsights, said one of the most common prob- lems that the sandwich generation faces is the struggle with consistency that comes when extended family members live together. "One grandparent might be lenient about table manners when this is something that really matters to you," she said. "And maybe an aunt or uncle doesn't think your kids should watch any TV, when you've already decided that 30 minutes a day is fine." Chung suggested that everyone involved communicate their wishes clearly to avoid any such conflicts. Lessons learned Minerley said she's learned that it's important to be patient with yourself. Juggling caring for so many people is hard work, and it's im- portant to give yourself some space as well. She tries to make Saturday the day she spends alone with her husband to recharge. STUCK IN THE MIDDLE (Continued from Page 19) LEARNING FUN @ 5 LOCATIONS We've created a series of online Field Guides to make your visits to local destinations a learning opportunity for your kids FieldGuides.HVParent.com Field Guide Destinations: • Trevor Zoo • Museum Village • Minnewaska State Park Preserve • Locust Grove Estate • Washington State Headquarters ...and more to come! Each guide includes 4 sections: Before you go, Word fun, Onsite activities, and Bring it home Happy Learning!

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