Hudson Valley Parent

HVP Dec 2014

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22 Hudson Valley Parent ■ December 2014 family members who were over the moon with Benjamin," she said. "I just couldn't get to the place where I felt that way, and that made me feel worse. I began to feel like everyone would be better off without me. I thought about hopping a train, mov- ing across the country and assuming a new identity. It sounds ridiculous when I say it now, but at the time I was dead serious. I tried to talk my husband into divorcing me and marrying a woman who could raise Benjamin in the way I knew instinc- tively he deserved to be raised. It seemed so rational at the time." Warren's entire family rallied to her cause and continued to support her, her husband and her son as she battled suicidal feelings, sensations of hopelessness and "complete inertia." Realizing that her current medi- cation and therapy was not enough, Warren and her husband made the agonizing decision to check her into the mental ward at Danbury Hospi- tal for a few weeks to regroup. Her road back to mental health, and eventually, toward motherhood, was not without even more obstacles, including another stint in the hospital and time spent at a day program with the Women and Infants Hospital in Providence, R.I. After the programs, the coun- seling and constant medication adjustment, she says that she had a breakthrough when Benjamin was about 10 months old. "When he grabbed my hand one day, I felt this intense surge of love," she recalls. "He started giggling, and I almost started crying — but in a good way! I am in love with him now. I'd do anything for him. I knew the whole time that if I didn't get better, it could hurt him. And I never wanted that." While Warren found help with doctors and medication, she attri- butes her full recovery to talking with other mothers who were going through the same thing. "Support groups are key," Warren MOTHERHOOD (Continued from Page 21) "Family members were over the moon with Benjamin. I just couldn't get to the place where I felt that way, and that made me feel worse." — Mariah Warren

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