Hudson Valley Parent

HVP November 2018

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28 Hudson Valley Parent n November 2018 To help keep a sense of normalcy for the children, Wallen planned getaways with her children a few times a year to make sure they had fun. "We took family trips to see my sisters, cousins and parents," says Wallen. Find a neutral person to talk to After 14 years of marriage, Karen Miller and her husband decided to end their union. "We just weren't compatible anymore," says Miller, a Plattekill mom to 10-year-old twins, Emily and Juliana, and 13-year-old Paul. "It's still difficult because the kids are asking more questions even now and some days are harder than others." Miller's children started seeing a therapist. "There they had a neutral person they could talk to because it's hard for them to talk about their dad to me or vice versa," says Miller. "I didn't know how they were feeling because they looked like they were okay at times." When it comes to getting through the difficult times, Miller says, "Just remember, you'll rise above all of it." Put the children first According to Jonna Spilbor, a local attorney with a heavy focus on divorce and family law based in the town of Poughkeepsie, it's important to put your children first throughout the divorce process. "Every move you make, from the second that you say you want a divorce, should be made to make the children comfortable," she says. "There can even be changes, such as moving to a new home, that roll out slowly, but don't announce you're moving within 24 hours of announcing that daddy isn't going to be living there anymore." Meghan Mossey, an attorney with Stenger, Roberts, Davis & Diamond, LLP in Wappingers, reminds parents that you'll always be a family even through divorce. "The dynamic changes, but you'll always be a family," she says. "The idea is to get to the place where you can celebrate graduations, birthdays, weddings and grandchildren together." A great place to start is to reassure the children. "Let them know that mommy and daddy are there for them and will support them no matter what," says Mossey. "Too many times the parent will say things like 'Mommy took my money, so I can't do this or that with you.' Don't say stuff like that." DIVORCE (Continued from Page 27)

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